Tuesday, August 6, 2013

The Quest to Unleash the Beast of Affordable Care

No I didn't read it. Neither did anyone else. No one actually wrote it either. It came from above, similar to the way we got the Bible and The Weather Channel. It resides in a super secret room next to a nice leather chair that no one is aloud to sit in until King Arthur comes back and is able to pull the Red Ribbon out from under it. Then he can sit in the chair and he will become the first person to ever read it.
I'm here to inform you that the ultimate quest has only just begun. However, the Wizard needs food in order to find the remaining six talisman that will help find the chosen one with enough stamina, ritalin, and midichlorians to unwrap the beast of affordable healthcare in America. The first stage is complete. The dragon was appeased and Congress received the Power of "I'm rubber and you're glue, anything it says bounces off us and sticks to you." They will be shielded from all negative effects of the financial cauldron being brewed for some beautiful princess asleep in a cottage with 3 dying kids because their fairy godmother had to drop their insurance and pay the penalty or risk losing her business of making pumpkin chariots. But there is a Dark Knight arising from the east by the name of State's Attorneys General

We can only hope that King Arthur will be found and we can finally see what's in it, because that's why we passed it.

Friday, June 14, 2013

The Dichotomy of a Superhero

Hello readers. I present some questions for you. Who is the greater thespian, Clark Kent or Superman? Does Clark Kent, in those smashing horned-rims, put on a greater show as Superman, than the multi-talented, acrobatic Superman puts on as Clark Kent? More to the point, is Clark Kent disguised as Superman. Or is Superman disguised as Clark Kent?

Is it hard to be Clark Kent when Superman lurks just under his dress shirt and tie? When he's Superman, does the feeling of saving the world and being a demi-god balance out the feeling of being an outsider? Is it safe to be Superman in a world where judgmentalism and social systems rule, and those who stand out are at the mercy of the papparazzi? Consider these things and one might be able to see why he would choose to give up his superhero identity.

Clark Kent, clumsy, geeky, unsure, and full of promise as one of Metropolis's greatest reporters fools everyone. No one even assumes what he's truly capable of.  His co-workers, the ones he sees everyday, can't seem to figure it out. He must be good at being Clark Kent, because it comes so natural. As Clark Kent he's connected to the microcosm of the planet. He's part of the world, part of society, another voter in the democracy. He belongs as Clark Kent.
I'm not an alien from another planet with temptations of being a deity, but I do know this: as Superman he seems to be himself, at one with physics and the rest of the universe, excluding one thing... humanity.

Yes, as Superman he's a superstar with fame and fortune. He could rule the world if he wanted. He's moral, and he risks his life to save others, which doesn't go unrecognized. He's heralded as the greatest superhero of all time. A just superhero. A passionate superhero. A freedom-defending superhero. But a lonely superhero. The moments when he feels most like himself, doing the things he does best, are the moments he feels the most isolated. He knows if they really knew him they would poke with camera's and prod with scientists. These people can never know his true identity.

His true identity? Is it Clark Kent, as he's known by his Social Security Number? or Superman as he's known by the world? Does he even have a true identity? Are Clark Kent and Superman two halves that make up a whole? Clark Kent, an alien, adopted by a family who couldn't have children of their own. Superman, an alien, adopted by a world hungry for something to believe in.
I think the answers to these question and the reason he can keep a level head on his shoulders lie in a third identity, Kal-el. Once, a long time ago, before he came to earth he was considered "normal" on a planet called Krypton. Just like every other baby boy. He had no super powers. He wasn't special. He fit in perfectly, before even realizing he had a need to fit in. His true identity as Kal-el is not known by the world around him, but it is the glue that holds Clark and Superman together. Without Kal-el the dichotomy between Superman and Clark Kent would splinter off into oblivion and darkness would overtake his soul as well as the rest of the world.

Although Krypton is no more in the physical universe, it exists within the heart of the last Kryptonian, Kal-el son of Jor-el.

Many people think that Superman is a story that is impossible to relate to, but I perceive there is something in the story of Superman that we can all relate to. Think about this. Have you ever felt the need to fit in? How about the need to be yourself? Is your desire to "belong" stronger than your need to be yourself? Can you have both? If you had to choose, which would make you happier?

Superman is loved not because he is so much like God, but because as a kind of God, he is so much like us.

Wednesday, April 3, 2013

Downton Abbey in YO FACE!

I've found a most splendid avenue of entertainment in recent months, and it includes the likes of a few unfathomably rich aristocrats who go through money like crack addicts, a galley of quick witted servants who are somehow able to find the positive side of a negative ion, and a majestic castle that has been slapped in the architectural behind by Ivanhoe's joust. 

Produced by ITV media in Britain, the show is currently on break between the 3rd and 4th season and my appetite for the show is growing with each passing day. I find myself making nasty quips about the working class because I'm trying to fill a void left by the Dowager. She never ceases to create a ball of fun around high class stereotypes offering as much repartee as a droll Joel Robinson at a B-movie convention. Another character I didn't realize I could fall in love with is the portly cook donning dirty aprons and sporting a small bonnet over her thinning red coif, but she has won me over. Ms. Patmore's personality keeps everyone in the basement on their toes and almost mirrors the Dowager's wit to those in her circles. 

These two characters create most of the levity that is the true charm of this show, and I have scoured the internet for quotes comparing the two wisecracking women. 

Top Quotes by Mrs. Beryl Patmore (The Cook)
  1. Nothing makes you hungrier or more tired than grief... When my sister died, God rest her soul, I ate my way through four platefuls of sandwiches at one sitting and slept 'round the clock.
  2. Daisy, I said you could go for a drink of water, not a trip up the Nile.
  3. You (Daisy) are normally dozy, but tonight you make Sleeping Beauty look alert.
  4. Oh Dear, Have you Swallowed a Dictionary?
  5. It’s a poor workman who blames his tools.
  6. Anyone with use of their limbs can make a salmon mousse
  7. Ugh. Talk about making a silk purse out of a sow’s ear. I wish I had a sow’s ear. It would be better than this brisket.
  8. Do I look like a frolicker?
  9. William’s got more to say than a parliamentary candidate.
  10. Why are you using a lemon knife to cut a clementine?
  11. If you must pay money, better to a doctor than an undertaker
  12. Of course she married beneath her. And who are you, the Habsburg Archduke?
  13. Ooo, it's wonderful what fear can do to the human spirit.

Top Violet Grantham (Dowager) Quotes:
  1. Don't be defeatist, dear. It's so middle class.
  2. Last night! He looked so well. Of course it would happen to a foreigner. No Englishman would dream of dying in someone else’s house.
  3. We can't have him assassinated. I suppose.
  4. She's like a homing pigeon - she finds our underbelly every time!
  5. What, pray tell, is a 'weekEND'?
  6. Oh, dear, such a glare. I feel as if I were on stage at the Gaiety.
  7. Good heavens! What am I sitting on?...Another modern brainwave?
  8. Vulgarity is no substitute for wit.
  9. An aristocrat without servants is about as useful as a glass hammer.
  10. Sometimes I feel as if I were living in an H.G. Wells novel.
  11. She's so slight a real necklace would flatten her.
  12. Nothing succeeds like Excess.
  13. But if there are relapses. What then? Amputation in the dining room? Resuscitation in the pantry?
  14. Do you think I might have a drink? Oh, I'm so sorry – I thought you were a waiter.
  15. At my age one must ration one's excitement
  16. 'Lie' is so unmusical a word.
  17. I do think a woman's place is eventually in the home, but I see no harm in her having some fun before she gets there
  18. That is the thing about nature: there is so much of it.
Hope you enjoyed the quotes. 
And to carry you over until next season which will start in January 2014 I've provided a link to the Downton Abbey opening montage below.

Friday, February 8, 2013

Government says "No" to Death Star Petition


A few weeks ago the galaxies relaxed when the US Government officially responded to a petition made on https://petitions.whitehouse.gov
Here it is:

Petition: Secure resources and funding, and begin construction of a Death Star by 2016
Response: The Administration shares your desire for job creation and a strong national defense, but a Death Star isn't on the horizon. Here are a few reasons:
  • The construction of the Death Star has been estimated to cost more than $850,000,000,000,000,000. We're working hard to reduce the deficit, not expand it.
  • The Administration does not support blowing up planets.
  • Why would we spend countless taxpayer dollars on a Death Star with a fundamental flaw that can be exploited by a one-man starship?

First of all, may I say, "Here Here", then may I politely stand and clap for the respectable stance that our administration is taking against the annihilation of planets.

Second of all, I would like to thank the current administration for taking the much needed time to explain why they would be taking such a stand.

Third of all, I would like to honor the Star Wars fans that work in the White House, with a characteristic Mandalorian handshake, and wish you well.

Fourth of all, I hope this does not mean that you will stop researching hyperdrive capabilities for the T-65J Advanced X-wing Starfighters that you plan to sell to the Egyptians and Syrians.

And last, but not least, thanks for proving that most of you still have your virginity.

That is all.

Now, enjoy these beautiful ads

Tuesday, January 15, 2013

Why Do They Call It A Trailer?

The Trailer. A teaser. A preview. A coming attraction. A buzz creator. A peak into the future. The most adrenaline-driven slice of advertising you'll see this side of adrenaline-driven advertising. The good ones leave you wanting more, the bad ones take all the best scenes from the movie and tell you too much.
Surely, you cannot count how many times you have sat in a theater during the trailers and elbowed your movie going mates with eyes wide open and whisper, "We gotta go see that!"
Yes, like hot butter pumped from a spigot and 10 dollar bags of M&M's, trailers are part of movie-going lore and without them we might all just shrivel up and die of pure boredom. They have their undeniable place as an introduction to many if not all feature films. So why do they call them trailers? They come at the beginning of the movie not the end.

My mom asked me this a few days ago and I didn't have an answer for her. I was ashamed. The internet to the rescue!

So there you have it. Trailers are called trailers because movies used to come in bulk serving sizes and what else were they gonna shove between each movie but a trailer for another movie. Therefore in the early days of going to the theater, the trailers would come after a movie. Makes sense. And isn't it cool to finally understand the meaning of what a B-movie is?

So now onto the business of promoting myself as a movie-trailer producer extraordinaire, I will let you enjoy these phenomenal pieces of art, created with the help of iMovie, some amazing footage and my iPad. FYI, Each trailer took about 10 man-hours to put together

I created this from some video I captured on a family vacation in Tennesee...
Just finished the full movie as a Christmas present to the family. Hope you guys watched it.

This one captures the two days of anticipation as we waited for our son Jack to be born.

This one I worked on as a project for a friend that didn't end up working out but was fun none the less. (I hope he doesn't mind that I post this)

I hope you enjoyed this month's Polar Bear Periodical.
And speaking of movies, I would like to make some recommendations.
1. Argo - Because we need to know what went down and Ben Affleck did an amazing job telling this story and letting the cat out of the bag. My favorite part: John Goodman's and Alan Arkin's characters are a great glimpse into classic show business and what made the silver screen, the silver screen.
2. The Iron Lady - Because Meryl Streep IS Margaret Thatcher and growing old isn't easy especially when you changed the world. My Favorite Part: watching Meryl Streep act
3. Abduction - Because it's not at all what you are expecting. My Favorite Part: Not knowing what to expect.