Monday, February 13, 2012

A Geek's Valentine

If you are a geek and have a date on this Valentine's Day, you might think your woman loves you because of the sweet nothings you whisper in Elvish to her as you hold her hand walking through the Star Trek convention. It is not. Nor is it the sexy Batman underwear you've been wearing for decades over that flabby, geek physique. Could it be the annuls of facts about conceivable time travel that make her swoon? Sorry, but no. That stuff turns you on, but her feminine receptors respond to something a bit different.
"So what is it that makes my woman love me?" you may be asking your highly evolved self. It's your total ignorance to your own hotness that makes her loins shudder with desire.
Yes it's true. She thinks your hot. By "hotness" I mean a certain charisma, confidence, or sensitivity that supersedes geekiness. Here are some situations that might exemplify this phenomenon of hotness: 1) You are good with children and the mentally retarded. 2) You get choked up watching a movie, TV show or a cotton commercial. 3) You own a dog or cat or sea monkey, it doesn't matter, just something that proves something else can depend on you. 4) You know or can write a line of poetry.
However, on a more practical note there are certain superficial situations that can diminish this "hotness" factor: 1) Not using dandruff shampoo before donning your black shirt for the rave. 2) Breath that smells like a turd. You must always budget for Doublemint, and don't forget to floss. 3) Outer ear hair. 4) Bragging about your success hacking into the Hasbro mainframe or your alphabetized catalog of Lord of the Rings paraphernalia.
If she considers your geekiness cute, you are in and you are loved. Congratulations!
But, if you are sitting in your lonely apartment surrounded by action figures encased in their original packaging, reading this blog and wondering why you could not get a date this past Valentine's Day, consider investing in some charisma, confidence, and sensitivity. Stop giving women subscriptions to 2600 or texting l337 speak to their cell phones. Go buy a dog, a book of poetry, and the Curious George Box Set. Then prepare for the ladies to come running.

Blog P.S.
Poem for my Valentine
Wonder and amazement take my heart on a rapid but significant journey as I take in the vision of her beauty. I'd not seen it before, not like this. My thoughts stutter at the scent of her. How'd I get so lucky? The 21st century gladiators parade in the arena and the media vultures circle overhead, and I considered my Love, gently preparing a place for my return. Pushing every hindrance aside, "Outta my way!" I want, no I need to be with her. Heroes swear allegiance to the beauty she emulates, yet she has taken an oath for me. Her hand would be rosy with the kisses of suitors if her path weren't right next to mine. Heaven has favored me in this life. She sought me, and I pursued her. The wonderful thing is that it keeps getting better like a treasure trove saving the best for last. So thank you God for my unbelievably smokin' hot wife.

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