A Polar Bear Reviews Guardians of the Galaxy

The film is based on an obscure Marvel comic book about 5 random beings thrown together as a result of various circumstances. They are the epitome of unlikely hero's. As a matter of fact, it could have been the subtitle of this movie. The characters were shockingly deep and full of life and each one of these unlikely hero's stole my heart.  

Considering all the buzz I've heard over the internet and social media, I bought my tickets on-line and got to the theater 10 minutes early. However, the theater wasn't as packed as I thought it was going to be.  Where was everyone? A few more people slowly trickled in, but the theater was less then half full. I couldn't believe it. It seemed like everyone was talking about this film. Then I realized, not everyone was talking about this film. Only the geeks were talking about this film. They were talking so loudly that I hardly noticed the rest of society was completely silent on the matter and had passed it off as another potential flop.

I'll be honest, there are too many geeks out there, so it won't be a flop, but it doesn't have enough familiarity to entice the everyday house wife or the Sports Center watching businessman. However, I have to give it to the director, because he made it as palpable as possible for the non-geek. An adorable and yet strikingly handsome human played by Chris Pratt from Parks and Recreation and his nostalgic Walkman are both culture life-preservers in this Alien world on the other side of our galaxy.

As movies go it was out-of-this-world, and geeks around the world would applaud it as a good adaptation of the comic. If the mainstream public can set aside reality for the first 10 minutes of the film and not try to compare it to something that they know or recognize, then they will appreciate and come to love it by the second act. The plot was thick with action, humor, and drama. Subtleties like background action and irony make it a pleasure to watch. Character dynamics makes it interesting to follow, and directorial genius, make it one of those movies that you will want to watch again and again.

The Polar Bear's Rules for Movie Goers

1. Go online and find out if there is a "Secret Scene"
Once in a while, theater goers who dwell in their positions during the epic credit roll will be rewarded with a "Secret Scene". It's quite thrilling, like seeing a narwhal off the coast of Greenland. It can tie a movie together or blow your mind with a cliff-hanging promise of a sequel. This doesn't happen all the time, not even most of the time or some of the time, actually...hardly ever, but that one time you do get the chance you want to be there. You don't want to find out from Howard Johnson over in retail that you missed seeing the narwhal. The realization that you missed part of the movie will haunt you and you will never be satisfied. Movie ruined.

2. Get there early.
The early bird catches the proverbial worm and lands the best possible viewing angle, audio vortex, and power position. Every theater and or living room has a sweet spot. Find it. Put a stake in it. Claim your reward. Getting there late means you get to sit in the bottom left side of the auditorium, two feet from the fire exit, craning your neck, getting your ears drums blown to shreds, next to the guy who is constantly wiggling and throwing popcorn because he is 2-years-old. Movie Ruined.

3. Don't get popcorn.
It's tempting because it's so full of salty, buttery goodness, and it seems to fit so well with movie culture. Let's face it, you'll be finished with it by the time the previews are half over, and somewhere during the first scene you'll realize you have that infernal kernel that's stuck between the right incisor and your outer gum agitating you during the entire movie. You'll be finding it for an hour with your tongue, then letting your tongue lead your finger like the blind leading the blind until you start to taste blood. Movie Ruined.

4. Go to the bathroom before the opening scene.
It doesn't matter if you have to go or not, just do it. This might mean missing a couple previews, but that's okay. You can go home and watch them on YouTube because some 8-bit, pizza roll eatin', blog jammer posted it yesterday. Don't get stuck some where in the middle of the movie trying to figure out which is the least important 45.8 second section of the film. Make that, 57.9 seconds if it's number two. When you sit back down every one is sobbing and you realize it was the most important 57.9 seconds thus far in the entire. Movie Ruined.

5. Don't fast forward or turn away during the love scenes.
Key contextual elements might be missing from the end of the movie. You'll be asking yourself "Why is it so significant that everything in the movie is black and white except for that orange umbrella in the final scene." It's because you missed the sex scene. It's like your standing at a locked door and you don't have the key. The key is back in that love scene you wouldn't watch. Movie ruined!

A Polar Bear Reviews Acts of Valor

Nothing could have been timed more perfectly. You're 2nd child, the game winning goal between U.S. and Spain, A comedians punchline, all have good timing, but none of them are going to net you 12 million dollars in one week. Acts of Valor started as a Navy Seal recruitment video for the Armed Forces and ended up as a motion picture alongside Tyler Perry's Good Deeds and Ghost Rider: Spirit of Vengence. It's number one in the box office and promises to reveal for the first time on film active duty Navy S.E.A.L.S. during combat training.   Real Navy S.E.A.L.S. do not make good actors, however, they do make for good marketing.  Thank you Osama Bin Ladin for making Navy S.E.A.L.S. the baddest Mama Jamas since the RAF of World War II. SEAL team six did for the Armed Forces what the knife did for sliced bread.
Do you realize what this film has done? It has helped propel a new genre of movies into the mainstream. Reality filmmaking is what it is being called. Controlled drama. Real .50 caliber bullets, actual Navy Seals, real world situations, it's a guaranteed success. Who wouldn't watch that?
I saw the movie opening weekend. After the movie ended the theatre was in utter silence for 2 or 3 minutes before anyone dared to move. The theater filled with awe. It was like Mount Rushmore, The Great Pyramids of Egypt, Stonehenge, The Great Wall of China and the Moon all suddenly decided to sing the Star Spangled Banner with Jesus himself and then enjoy a glimpse of the Aurora Borealis before surfing off the coast of Australia. This movie didn't just entertain, it inspired. It challenged the status quo and made the viewer realize what it meant to be free. It made us recognize the real cost of what it takes to be able to make a choice to go to a theatre and see a movie that we want to see. It doesn't just cost 10 dollars and whatever you pay your baby sitter. Someone died for you to be able to watch this movie. Someone with a family and kids, sacrificed his position as a father and a husband to give you the opportunity to choose between Tom Clancy or Dr. Suess. He knew you were never going to think about him when making that choice but he didn't care. He wanted you to have that choice.
Acts of Valor props itself above the white noise inundating action films these days.
Saving the world had almost become cliched until Acts of Valor made it heroic again.
Thank you to all the men and women who have sacrificed to make this country what it is today.
Go see Acts of Valor. Take your kids to see Acts of Valor. Be grateful for Acts of Valor.